C Me As Hope

My dearest Lang,

I feel like I have repeated this story a thousand times but I want to make sure that you hear it too. So here is the story of what happened to you on Monday, November 10^th, 2008 at about 12 noon at Red Rocks Canyon, Las Vegas.

You slid off the edge of the rock as you were trying to find a safe way for me, Lara and Darian to pass through a difficult pass in the canyon. You were on your butt sliding down cautiously and your sandals just slipped. You tried to gain your footing frantically. You reached out with you hands, but there wasn’t anything for you to grab onto. You fell face forward toward the rocks about 20-30 feet below. The kids were on the furthest side of the rock, so all they could see was you sliding on your butt and then disappearing. You hit the first rock full force with your face, head, and wrists. You bounced off the rock as if it were made of rubber. My guess is that you were knocked out, because you looked like you were made of rubber as you flew through the air and hit the second rock. You were wearing a backpack, and I truly believe that it protected your spine. The only words that you said before you hit the first rock was, “Oh Shit!” Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I stood there frozen in a moment of disbelief. I watched your sunglasses shatter and fly around in a million pieces. I didn’t see you land. I couldn’t watch anymore. I just kept saying, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” I ran up the rock and grabbed Lara and put her in a safer spot. I told Darian to come sit with Lara and not let her look at her daddy. I told him not to look either. I ran down the rocks, and I saw you slumped over sort of folded in half. Your legs were over your head, and your neck was bent crooked to the side. Your right eye was out of the socket and sort of lying on your face. I thought you were dead. From the position you were in, it looked like you had broken your neck. Then I noticed that your stomach was moving. You were alive!

I screamed for help and yelled for an ambulance. I wasn’t sure if I should move you, but your lips were turning blue and there was blood bubbling out of your nose and mouth. I screamed for help again and yelled at the kids to stay where they were. I looked at the kids to make sure they were safe and staying put. I could see Darian holding Lara in his arms and both of their faces looked calm but confused. I yelled for help again and looked at all the people just standing there and staring at me. I heard a woman yell out to me that someone called and help was on the way. I yelled out that I didn’t know if I should move you, and I saw this woman (tall, short dark hair, about my age) climbing up the rock. She said that she was a respiratory therapist and was here to help me. Her and her husband were visiting from Missouri. Her name is Julie, and I now refer to her as your angel. Julie took one look at you and said “Oh God. This is bad. This is really bad.” I said, “I know! I don’t know if we should move him.” She said we shouldn’t move you, but I told her that your lips were turning blue…actually your whole face was blue at this point and your eyes looked like they were going to pop out of your head. You also had a giant baseball size bump on your forehead. So we decided to move you, but we knew we had to do it carefully. An older couple came up to help by now. I think they were from Europe, because they were speaking a foreign language. Julie told them to hold your legs, and she held your head. I reached under your armpits and lifted you onto the rock behind you. So at this point your upper body was resting at about a 45-degree angel, and your legs were resting on the rock in front of you at a 45-degree angel. So you were sort of at a “V” shape. You were breathing but bleeding out of your ears, nose, both eyes and your mouth. Julie was holding your head and reassuring me that help was on the way and that I was doing a great job. I was knelling by your side, and I just kept watching your stomach to make sure you were breathing. Then you stopped breathing. I was yelling that you weren’t breathing, and Julie was so calm. She held your nose and told me to give you mouth to mouth. Your face and mouth were covered in blood and for a second I thought, “I don’t know if I can do this. I am going to taste his blood in my mouth and I don’t know if I can do this. “ Then I grabbed your mouth, put my lips around your lips and blew. I wasn’t sure how much or how fast I was supposed to blow, so I just blew. Your chest rose and filled up like a balloon. It actually surprised me how your body reacted to my breath. When you exhaled your lips quivered and make a flapping sound. It scared me, but Julie said I was doing a good job. She told me to keep going and to give you another breath. I don’t remember how many more breaths I gave you, but you started to breath again. Praise God! I lowered my head with tears running down my face and jut started praying out loud. “Lord, please have mercy on Lang. Lord, please have mercy on Lang. Lord, please have mercy on Lang.” Julie told me that I needed to still breath for you because your breathing was shallow. Blood was still streaming from your head, ears, nose and mouth. I gave you a breath every time you inhaled. I could taste the blood in my mouth and was sure it was covering my face. I didn’t really care, I was only worried that it wouldn’t look too scary to the kids. I also had blood on my arms, pants and front of my tank top. (The yellow one that you had just complimented just a while earlier.)

At some point during this, the older man that was holding your torso off the ground got tired and went to rest. His wife and I slid our lower bodies under you to support your back. I was still sitting to your right side but now sort of crooked and in the crevice between the two rocks. I kept turning around to see if help was there yet. There were more men surrounding us now, trying to help. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that when the older guy went to sit down, he passed out on the rock right next to me. Then he started convulsing. I thought he was having a heart attack! Julie asked me to hold your head, so she could help the older man. So I put one hand on each ear, bowed my head and started praying again. “Lord, please have mercy on Lang. Lord, please have mercy on Lang. Lord, please let help get here soon. Lord, I love him. Please don’t let him die. Please don’t take him from me.” Julie sat next to the man and let out a long sigh. “God, you have got to be kidding me!” is what she said. Right then the man opened his eyes and was fine. Julie came back over to you and took your head. I was so overwhelmed, I started to cry again. The guy behind me yelled at me. “Stop crying! Don’t do that! He is getting his strength from you. You are doing great.” Julie told me that I didn’t need to breathe for you anymore.

Finally! I heard the helicopter! Someone yelled that the ambulance was here, and I was so relieved. I kept telling you to hold on, that I love you, and that the helicopter was close. I asked you if you could hear the helicopter and not to be scared. I know I looked towards the kids a couple times to make sure that they were ok. Julie’s husband, Michael, was standing with them, and I would just yell out that it was ok. And not to be scared. I kept telling Darian not to let Lara look at Lang. (He later told me that he played tic-tac-toe with her in the dirt to keep her busy until the helicopter came and blew all the dirt around. What a smart boy!) The park ranger showed up…finally…help! He had us put a neck brace under your head to help keep it stable. Oh yeah…at some point you regained consciousness and tried to get up. You were wiggling your legs around and grabbing at your wrists. That’s when I noticed that your wrist was broken. But I was super excited that you were moving your legs. I thought you would be paralyzed after a fall like that. I started yelling at you to be still…that’s when you started yelling at me. I have never been so happy for you to yell at me! “Let go of my head! Please let go of my head! Lara, let go of my head. 1…2…3…please let go of my head!” I yelled back that Lara was fine, and it was Carla helping you. Again, you would yell, “1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10! Lara let go of my head!” The paramedics arrived and began stabilizing you. Asking me a million questions. “Does he have any allergies? What does he do? Where did he fall from? Any medical conditions we should know about?” I answered as best as I could. I just kept talking to you and praying. “Please be strong, Lang. The kids are fine. Your legs are fine. Dear God, please have mercy on Lang. Lang be still! Don’t move! You can’t move! Lord, please have mercy on Lang.” (I was told later by Darian that Lara was yelling at you to be still too.) The EMT’s had to give you a sedative so you would stop wrestling with me. Somehow I had found some super human strength and was pinning both your arms down to the rock. The EMT guy had Julie and I put the neck brace on you because of our positions near you. There were about 6 firefighters and EMT’s surrounding us and working hard to save your life. As they put the needle in your arm to calm you down, you screamed, “That hurts!” I was glad you could feel it. They asked me to slide out from between you and the rocks. So I let go of your hands and carefully climbed out of the crevice and over the EMT’s. They had already moved the kids to a different area earlier, so it was easier for them to climb out. I watched as they passed by us and looked down at you. Oddly, they still didn’t look scared. The helicopter came closer as the EMT’s put you on a backboard. I was now standing there holding your backpack and covered with blood. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I just stood there, staring at you on the backboard. A guy yelled out to brace ourselves, because the helicopter was going to land. As the helicopter got closer, it got louder and louder. Dirt was blowing around so hard and fast that I had to cover my face and my ears. My eyes were closed and the sound and feel of the helicopter was intense. The intense pressure of the helicopter lifted as it flew away. I opened my eyes and you were gone. A stranger took the backpack, and I ran down to the kids. I wrapped my arms around both of them so tightly and told both of them how much I loved them. Lara looked at me and asked if we were still going to the pet store. I told her that daddy had a big owie and that we had to go to the hospital to make sure the owie was fixed. Darian asked if we were going to the park later. I knelt down and whispered to him that you were hurt really bad, and we needed to focus on that and that I needed him to help me with Lara. We all started our trek back up the canyon to a sea of people just staring at us. I know I had blood all over my face and tears streaming down my cheeks. I found myself getting angry at everyone staring. I wanted to yell at them, “What are you staring at?!? Stop! Mind your own business!” I was so thirsty, and I felt like each step up the hill echoed through the canyon. We reached the top, and I grabbed the water bottle from you blood soaked backpack. I rinsed my mouth with water and spit it on the dusty ground. I poured some water in my hand and wiped off my face. Darian pointed out that I still had some of your blood on my face so I wiped it with water again. I drank so much water, but I could still taste your blood in my mouth. A fireman guided us to the fire truck to wait. The helicopter had landed, and they were trying to stabilize you. They were also trying to arrange transportation for me and the kids to the hospital. I started looking for your car keys, because I needed your phone. I didn’t know anyone’s number, and I needed Aimee to come get the kids. I needed to get my purse, so I could get my phone. I couldn’t find the keys, and the search became more frantic. I started crying again and to panic that I wouldn’t be able to find you phone or the keys. I told the ranger that they might be in your pants so he went to check. He came back a few minutes later with your keys.

I kept looking around for Julie. I wanted to thank her for saving your life. I saw her walking towards me and met her half way. I hugged her so tightly and couldn’t stop crying. She was crying too. Julie (your angel) offered to drive the kids and me to the hospital and went to get directions. I put the kids in the car and stood outside the car waiting for Julie. I couldn’t even look in the car. Your coffee was still there. You were just in that car, and now you were fighting for your life in a helicopter on your way to the hospital. People were staring at me and whispering to each other. I could only imagine what they were saying. Everything seemed like it was in a fog. Slow motion. It was like I was standing next to me, watching this horrible scene. The helicopter finally took off and Julie came to the car. We pulled out of the park and headed toward the hospital. It felt like it took forever to get there. I called your sister on the way, but your mom answered. I forgot it was Monday, and Leia was at work. I told your mom you were in an accident, and I needed Aimee’s phone number. I told her to call Rick and Leia.

We entered the emergency room and were directed to the Trauma Center. We were met by a social worker for the hospital named Pam. She took us (me, Julie, Lara and Darian) into the “Quiet Room”. She gathered a bunch of info about you and asked if there was anyone they could call for me and to get the kids. I told her I was trying to get a hold of your ex-wife, and Julie said she would stay with me until someone came. I also told her that we needed to get a hold of Matt. I knew that he would call Kevin. The only other people I knew here were Josh and Jen but I couldn’t remember their last name. Pam said she would see if she could find them and get a hold of more family. She left and I just cried and cried and cried. My cell phone rang and it was Jan (Aimee’s mom) letting me know she was trying to reach Aimee. I gave her an update on you and then Pam came for me. She said that they were taking you to surgery, and I could come see you. I followed her down a long white hallway, turned the corner and saw you lying on a gurney. Bleeding, bandaged, neck brace, massive blankets…your eyes were so black and so swollen, you did not look like a person. Your face was swollen round like a basketball. The doctor came to talk to me. She was trying to explain what your injuries were and what they were going to do. I couldn’t really comprehend much of what she said. All I wanted to know was if you could die I surgery. So I asked her. And she said yes. I told her you were a man of strong faith and asked her to call the chaplin to bless you and pray with us.

There were so many EMT’s whirling around, I just stood there. Crying. Praying. Staring at you. They wheeled you away and I was left standing there…alone. No one came to get me. No one even noticed I was there, I don’t think. I got myself to walk over to the doctor that told me you could die and asked her to show me where to go. She escorted me to the waiting room where Julie and the kids were sitting. Soon after that a chaplin came down and prayed with us. Aimee finally arrived and Pam took us in the “quiet room” again. She was gathering more information, calling Josh and trying to explain how severe your injuries were. I just kept shaking my head saying, “I don’t understand.” Aimee held my hand. Julie decided that it was time for her to go, so I thanked her again and gave her a big hug. Pam informed me that your mom, Rick, Leia, your dad and your grandma were on their way from Washington. Aimee took the kids to her house and was sweet enough to let Darian stay with Lara at her house. I sat in the waiting room alone. Praying. Crying. Praying. My cell phone started ringing…ringing…ringing. My mom, my sister, my brother, my sister, my mom…I remember talking with them, but I don’t recall what was said. My sister got me Matt’s home number and I called him…I had to leave a message. Jen and Josh arrived at the hospital and the tears began again. I went through the horrible story again and Josh started making some phone calls. Matt and Allie called me back, and I told them what happened. They said that they (including Kevin) would be there in the morning.) I was told your surgery would be 2-3 hours. After only 1.5 hours, the neurosurgeon came out to tell me that your skull was fractured, but he was able to repair it. That you were stable, and I could see you soon. So we waited. We made phone calls and waited. Pam came back to get me. You were finally out of surgery, and I was able to see you. I asked Josh if he would come with me. We held hands as we walked down the long cold hallway. It felt as if someone would soon start chanting, “Lions and Tigers and Bears…Oh my!” Your room was the very last room, and it was dark. We turned the corner, and there you were. Lying perfectly still in a sea of tubes and rhythmic humming. You had a tube sticking out of your head. They called it a “bolt”. It monitored the pressure in your head. You also had a tube coming out of your mouth. This was keeping you breathing. Your nurse (Misha) explained how serious your condition was but was hopeful at the same time. I held your hand and cried. I hugged Josh and cried. I praised God and cried. Your family arrived and I fell apart. Their hugs lifted me up, but the one that meant the most was from my brother. To see Erick and feel his arms around me filled me with comfort and faith. I cried. I cried so hard I couldn’t breath. I gave them an update and went back in to see you. I stayed at the hospital that night and only slept about 45 minutes in a very uncomfortable chair in the lobby. I have barely left the hospital or your room since that first day. The scariest day of my life.

I love you.

Carla