C Me As Hope

My sweet, sweet Lang was back today.  Sitting up in the chair to greet me this morning as Leia and I entered his room.  We were a little late with our visit this morning because we went to church…Lang’s church in Vegas.  It was the first time that I had been there without Lang.  I had been there only three times prior.  I warned Leia that I probably would be an emotional wreck because well…church already makes me emotional but this would make it even more so.  As we were sitting, waiting for the worship to start one of the guys from Lang’s small group (Nathan) came over to sit with us.  I really appreciated this.  It didn’t feel like we were so alone after that.  We sang…and no tears…good…we prayed…still no tears…doing good…Pastor Jim began the sermon and still no tears.  I was amazing myself.  I was deligantly taking notes for Lang because all those who have ever been to church with Lang knows that he deligantly takes notes at church to refer to later.  So I wanted to make him proud and also remember the message so we could talk about it later.  Anyways…the message was on Core Values and more specifically Fellowship.  Toward the end of the message, Pastor Jim began speaking about the importance of small groups and proceeded to address Lang’s accident and the support his family and myself had recieved from the members of the small group.  That’s when the tears began…lots of them.  I wasn’t prepared for that but it almost felt like a release…a big sigh.  I held Leia’s hand and just let the tears fall.  We began to sing again and I couldn’t even get any words out because my heart and my face was too busy crying.  (If you haven’t ever tried to sing and cry at the same time…try it…it’s pretty difficult.)

So we got to Lang’s room about 2 hours after we normally do each morning to see him sitting up in the chair.  The nurse said he had been rocking and rolling all morning (litterally trying to rock himself out of the chair because he strapped in and wants out) but it was odd because when we got there he seemed calm.  She told me that I make him calm.  That he does that when I am in the room.  She asked Lang if I calmed him and he nodded his head “yes”.  It was so sweet.  And ironic because he has the same affect on me.  We calm each other. He reached for my hand today and brought it to his lips very slowly and cautiously.  I wondered what he was doing and then he kissed my hand, then each finger, then just kept my hand on his lips.  It was so touching and enduring, I almost started crying.  I tell him I love him all day and this day was no different.  For some time today we just looked at each, in silence, and smiled.  My eyes started to well up with tears and I had to tell myself not to cry.  I don’t want Lang to worry about me so I try not to cry in front of him.  But he saw the tears and pointed to me.  I told him that I was fine and that I was just so happy to be sharing that moment with him.  I asked him if he was fine and he nodded “yes”.  He held my hand and gently stroked it with his fingers.  I wish I could have crawled in his bed and cuddled up with him.  He slept alot today, which he needs but when Leia and I got back from dinner, he had the mittens on again.  That is the sign that he has been naughty and not listening to the nurse.  It’s still better than seeing him strapped down.  He hates that.  So he tries to bite the mittens off, which is hilarious because his jaw is wired shut so it’s just his lips moving around…he basically looks like he is kissing his mittens.  Leia and I got a good laugh out of it.

He sat in the chair for 4 hours again today and has been breathing on his own since 4:30am.  That is exceeding all expectations.  They are going to keep him off the vent for most of the night tonight because he is doing so well.  The hospital is also ready to transfer him to a rehab facility but we are just waiting for the green light from the Air Force.  Hopefully, more on that tomorrow.

Many of you have asked how I am doing and how the kids are doing.  We are all hanging in there.  I am tired but I promise that I am getting at least 7 hours of sleep each night and eating on a regulary schedule.  I am even getting my butt up early enough in the morning to go for a run before sitting all day in the hospital.  It helps clear my head and get rid of some excess energy.  Darian is missing his mommy, which I expected.  I talk to him everyday and we started writing each other letters.  I miss him terribly and hope to see him soon.  Lara misses her daddy but fortunately, is still young enough that she probably won’t remember most of this.  I know that Lang misses her too.

Thanks again for keeping all of us…especially the kids…in your thoughts. Keep praying…

Grace & Peace ~ Carla