Today was a good day.  Went to my counseling appointment first thing this morning and had a great session.  It is amazing how much more productive I feel, knowing what I am dealing with now.  My counselor gave me some great techniques to handle some of the stresses/triggers for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Lang sat in the waiting room for over an hour and then patiently listened to me ramble on excitedly about our discovers and plan of attack.  I think he is equally as relieved as I am to have “a plan” and a light at the end of our never-ending tunnel.  A symptom of PTSD that I find odd is being easily startled.  This was a light bulb moment for me because for months Lang scares the crap out of me each time he enters the room.  I would swear that he was a stealth ninja trying to give me a heart attack but come to find out it’s perfectly explainable.  Thank God!  He still scared me today (not intentionally) but I laughed about it this time, instead of my normal grumble under my breath.  I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can breath again.

Lang is still working on getting his book published.  I think we should just call Oprah and tell her our story.  Maybe she would publish Lang’s book and let us tell our story.  Wouldn’t that be cool?  You know who I think is really cool?  Ellen.  I watch her show everyday while I eat my lunch.  She always makes me laugh.  I admire her too because she seems to be a very kind person.  Not like I know her or call her or anything but I am her friend on Facebook.    Ok…it’s the show but she writes her own status updates, right?  Lang is still feeling very strongly about becoming a pastor and we decided that he should start every sermon by dancing through the pews and on the stage…just like Ellen does on her show.  People might like going to church more if they had a dancing pastor????

My new found love and passion is yoga.  I have been doing yoga for about 5 years but it has been specifically prescribed by my counselor now.  Now I just have an excuse to do it more.  I can’t even explain why I am so in love with it but just know that it rates high on my “Love it with my leg up” list.  (All my Dinnernite girlfriends, know exactly what I am talking about…or if you are a fan of the Joyologist on SNL, you will know too.)  I am reading alot about yoga these days, as well.  My new adventure is going to be learning to meditate.  It is supposed to be really good for you.  One day I hope to have my own quiet yoga/meditation room/space in the house but for now my space is in my room.  (Our room is enormous so there is plenty of space.)  I find that even just reading about yoga is relaxing.  I laugh at myself because I look at these women in certain poses and then I say, “I can do that!”  Then I try…ask Lang to spot me so I don’t fall…and then cry out in pain.  I think Lang holds back the laughter in a supportive manner but I am sure it is funny to watch.

So with my new found diagnoses, techniques to help me cope like yoga, meditation, hot baths and some others, I am hoping to find some rest and relaxation when I hit the pillow in the future.  I do not sleep well…a few hours each night…always interrupted and never soundly.  I beg for a good night sleep.    Tonight I am hopeful that at least my mind has been put at ease a little bit more, which may help me catch some zzzz’s.

Newest Yogi~

Carla

A few reasons for the delay in a new post:

1. Training for a marathon scares the crap out of me and is taking over my thoughts and energy.  (Marathon is Dec. 13th)
2. School is kicking my butt this quarter as my nutrition class is not one of my favorites anymore.
3. Lang and I are desperately working on blissfully co-habitating with one another, which has proved harder than first thought.
4. Darian’s school and soccer schedule has seemed to taken over my schedule as well.
5. The start of some of my favorite shows and the discovering of some new favorites.  (So You Think You Can Dance, Biggest Loser and my new favorites…Cougar Town and Modern Family!)

Some new and exciting news…Lang is done with his book and it’s REALLY-REALLY good!  I sort of have to say that but I am probably tougher on Lang than anyone and I think this book is going to be wonderfully received by anyone who picks it up.  It’s not just a religious book…it’s about mental strength, faith and hope above all else and yes, God is in there too.    He is now in the process of researching publishers, which turns out to be more work than writing the book itself.  He is hoping to have it out to some publishers by the end of the year.  Keep your fingers crossed!

I have started my recovering process from the accident and think that this is harder than what I did for Lang in the hospital.  I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Nothing too drastic or disturbing, just alot of anxiety, frustration with my thoughts and actions not matching up, intense fear and irrational irritability and anger.  Poor Lang and Darian get the brunt of this situation but they are handling it well.   I am at least relieved to have a name to what I have been feeling for that past few months because I started to feel like I was going a little crazy and not very loving/lovable.

We are only 6 days away from the one year anniversary of Lang’s accident and I can’t believe how far he has come and how much we have accomplished.  I can’t wait to see what this next year will bring us.  New job?  New home?  New baby?  Who knows?!?  We have decided to not really decide anything too far ahead and to just enjoy what we have when we have it.  Nothing is guaranteed in this life and everything/everyone we have is a gift.

Tuesday, the 10th is the actual anniversary of the accident…on that day, could we ask everyone to say a small prayer of thanks for the mercy and love shown by God, family, friends and strangers?  Thank you.

Carla

Lang and I ran 7 miles today on a bike path near our home.  It is the furthest that I have ever ran and it is the furthest that Lang has run since the accident.  So we celebrated in an exhausted high five at the end of the trail.

Funny little side note:  According to Lang’s super fancy GPS runners watch, he only ran 10 miles on the morning of the accident.  I know…I said “only”.  I say that because that is what he said.  He asked me if he ran the morning of the accident (because he doesn’t remember anything from that weekend or two months out) and I recalled that he did.  He looked at his super fancy watch and said, “Hmmm.  I only ran 10 miles that day?”  I know…such a slacker, huh?  His usual was 12-14 miles, so I guess he was just in too much of a hurry to get back home to me.  So not only did he fall off a cliff that day but he also ran 10 miles that morning.  Busy guy.

So in 11 months, Lang has gone from tragically injured to running a few miles shy of what he was doing on a regular basis.  This man is unstoppable.  He is so funny too when we run because he knows how much I hate it.  How much it hurts for me to run that far…how badly I wish that I could just cheer him on from the side lines…so he is like my cheerleader while we run.  Telling me how good I am doing, commenting on my good form (I think he might have been hitting on me at that point), telling me how much he admires my will power to push through the pain and how much he loves spending this time with me.  I fight back the curse words that are begging to jump out of my mouth with every pound on the pavement and thank him for the encouragement.  I told him that I was only doing this for him (not for me) and that I was glad that we could do it together.  Every time I think about stopping and how much it sucks, I just think about Lang in rehab and watching him push himself and not give up.  That gives me what I need to keep going.

We have 6 weeks until the half-marathon and Lang thinks we will be in great shape by then.  He is so confident that I won’t stop more than two times.  I will do my best to make him proud. 

I am an addict of words and thought-provoking questions and I stumbled upon this question yesterday.  I haven’t decided how I am going to fill in the blanks yet, but I thought I would offer you the chance to fill in the blanks as well.  What would your question look like and if you are so bold, what do you propose the answer to be?

What are some proven effective measures to improve ____________ while encouraging _________?

Thanks for sharing!

Carla

I think that Fat Days might be one of the worst feelings ever.  Now, technically, I understand that feeling fat really isn’t the worst feeling ever but try telling that to a woman on one of her fat days.  She would probably take another bad feeling in it’s place just to escape the bloating, tight jeans, round face, swollen hands/feet, overall ickiness that she is plagued with.  Some might argue that a Bad Hair Day is equally as daunting and traumatic but they would be wrong!  You can put a hat on your head to cover your hair.  There is only so much you can put over your butt to hide it before you start looking like one of those ladies that get nominated for the “What Not To Wear” show.  Claiming comfort and time limitations are the reason for the full body cover up.  All the while, we know that she probably just had one to many fat days and gave up.

Yesterday, I experienced one of these mind freaking, soul tormenting fat days.  I don’t know where it came from because I have been pretty much killing myself with this running thing and well…my eating is normal…for me.  I exercise alot so I can eat alot.  That’s my theory on living a happy life.  Anyways, it took me all day to figure out what to wear.  You know…put something on…wear it for a while…hate it…go change…three times…wear that for a while…hate it…clothes all over your bed, your closet and your floor…continue this until you have no other choice but to leave the house in the last thing that you threw on your body.  Ugh!  Then, as if this would cheer me up, I step on the scale.  What?  Really?  Who’s bright idea was that?  With only a couple pounds difference, really nothing more than water weight, I proceed to step on and off the scale in an attempt to get a smaller number.  Again…What?  Crazy lady…yes I am!  So the scale doesn’t budge…so I slump into the “I am so fat” for the rest of the day routine with my husband.

Now husbands might have it worse than anyone on the planet on these days because what are their options really?  If I were a husband, I would want to tell me to shut up and be grateful for the body that I have because last night on the Biggest Loser any of those women would trade bodies with me in a second.  Good thing I am not a husband.  I would probably be divorced by now.    But my sweet, always loving, never judging husband just repeated three words over and over to me.  “You’re not fat.”  “You’re super sexy.”  “You’re body’s perfect.”  All day long.  Accompanied with a hug, a soft kiss and a solid hug, Lang did his best to fight the fat demons in my head.  I appreciated all his effort.  I appreciated even more the adoring look he gave me as I sat on the coach in my pink sweatpants and over sized tee shirt, eating chocolate chip cookies.  Because, apparently, he got the memo that sweats and cookies are the cure-all for Fat Days.

I am hoping for a better day today.  A less fat day.  Perhaps I should lay off the cookies for a while.  Lang has strict instructions to not let me make anymore cookies for awhile.  Cookies are my weakness.  I can walk away from any other food but not cookies.  Yummmmmm.  Or maybe I should invest in some second-hand moo-moo’s and wait for Stacy and Clinton (from What Not To Wear) to show up at my door.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Carla

I heard these words used the other day and it has stuck with me.  I can’t remember when or where I heard them but I used them with Lang a few days later when we were talking about Christians.  We talk about this often and this day we discussed it for a few reasons.  The usually reason is my frustration with the hypocrisy that floods the churches and homes of a large number of Christians.  It’s no wonder that non-Christians are either disgusted, scared or indifferent with Christians and worse yet, Christianity. The “Christian” religion is responsible for some pretty horrible things in the past.  This is where Lang and I agree on the fact that there is a difference between religion and spirituality.   I think most people use these words interchangeably but I dare to say that the difference is religion is political and corporate.  Very rarely does this have anything to do with spirituality.  Spirituality is what you feel in your bones…in your gut…in your heart…what you believe…what you stand for…what you do in your life.  This is usually directed by the “religion” that you chose to follow.

My love affair with God is rather recent and I consider myself to still be in the “honeymoon” stage.  However, I am naturally an intellectual individual so I continue to ask a million questions.  “Why”, is my favorite question.  Which is usually closely followed with, “How can I live my life to mirror my beliefs?”  It doesn’t make sense to me to believe in something but not have the time or energy to live a faith based life.  I have chosen to place my faith in God and live a Christlike life.  For me this means to be humble, loving, kind, giving, knowledgeable and faithful.  Those are the words that I think of when I think of Christianity.  A word that I do not think of when I think of my faith is “bible thumper”.  A dear friend of mine used these words to describe me last week.  My definition of this word must be different than hers because first, I don’t thump people with Bibles.    And second, I share my faith, I don’t hide it, I am proud of it but I don’t judge others with different faiths or convictions.  I think bible thumpers just thump people with their bibles if someone doesn’t fully agree with them, right?

Back to my new fascination with the phrase “image management”.  I have a point…I swear!  Ok.  So my biggest issue with religion or spirituality isn’t with those who do not share my beliefs, sadly, it is with those who share my beliefs and represent this belief in ways that are so contrary to the actual beliefs.  People who claim to be Christians and try to look as perfect as possible to “Non-Christians” because if you are a Christian then you are perfect right?  You must be better than them because your religion is better right?  WRONG!  Regardless of what religion you follow, we are human beings…imperfect people.  So it really bugs me when “image management” is the primary goal of Christianity.  What the %&^#?!?  Seriously, I do not believe that Jesus went through all that he did to leave the message of, “What ever you do, make sure everyone thinks you are perfect and be super clicky so people feel privileged to be apart of what we got going on.”

My point is that Christians are people too.  Hey…I should get a bumper sticker that says that.  He…he…he…I so amuse myself.  No really, my point is that Christians are regular people who drink, smoke, sometimes swear, go to church, don’t go to church, sing songs of praise to God or not, laugh, tell jokes, make love (hopefully to their spouse), watch sports, buy trashy gossip magazines, watch reality tv or R rated movies, make mistakes, shop too much, keep a dirty house…I could keep going.  However, the thing that I want to leave you with is that if you are a Christian or know a Christian, above all else, that person should love others.  This may look different to each of you but no matter how you define it…it’s love.  Volunteering, smiling, kind words, not judging others (unless they deserve it…Just kidding!), building a strong community/family, not losing your temper…however you show love, do that!

No more “image management” as Christians or people for that matter.  No more “bible thumping” people with your beliefs, whether it’s a belief in God or in the cosmos.  Love each other.  Especially those that are different than yourself…even those with different beliefs.

Lang, Darian and myself just got back from a week long visit to Washington.  It was such a great trip and it was hard to come back to Tucson.  Fall is my favorite season and here in Tucson, fall is not the same as it is in WA.  The amazing colors (red, orange, and yellow) saturate the trees in WA and the air is so crisp.  It rained almost every day and I loved it!  The day we left WA it was only about 55 degrees but as we arrived in Arizona, it was 92 degrees…and it was 8:30 at night!  It was nice to get a chance to visit fall even if it was only for 7 days.

We were able to see Lara play soccer for the first time.  It was so cute!  I forgot how little the four year olds look running around on the soccer field.  Another huge highlight for us was seeing our 2 week old nephew.  He is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen.  Spending time with him (Baby Ethan) made Lang’s biological clock start ticking.    I think he held the baby more than I did.  Babies have been a topic of conversation since our visit.  The verdict is still out on that topic.  I think a little Lang/Carla baby would be a great addition to our family but it’s been almost 10 years since my body has gone through the torment of child birth…not sure if it will withstand pregnancy very well at 33 years old.

Darian also had a chance to spend some time with his dad and it sounds like they had a really good time.  Of course, he was sad to leave but we are counting down the months until we are able to move back home.  We also were able to attend a wedding for some friends that are the most beautiful people we know, inside and out.  It was so great to witness their union and be apart of their special day.  Lang and I feel so blessed to have them in our lives.

So today was a day for church and then catching up on some rest.  The boys cheered for their favorite football teams as I snoozed away the afternoon and caught up on my “First 48″ show.  Tomorrow starts a new week of school, soccer, appointments, chores, etc.

Balance is something I struggle with.  I assume I am not the only one with this problem?  And as with anything in life, I can’t just be a little out of balance…I am alot out of balance.  See I like to do things big!

I try to balance my diet and exercise routine and go from one or two days of exercise to five.  What?  And from dessert every night to fruit at each meal.  Really?  This only leads me to hit a brick wall and crash.  Then I find my self not exercising for a week and eating chocolate every waking moment.  Really.

I do this with everything.  I find some socially conscious topic that pulls at my heart strings and run with it.  Like what you ask?  Hmmmm….where do I start?  Like…eating meat/not eating meat, buying organic/not buying organic, using only recycled products/not doing that, reading the Bible/not reading the Bible, loving my friends/not loving my friends, going back to school/not going back to school, living green/not living green, growing my hair out/not growing my hair out, being artsie-fartsie/having a closet full of art supplies that are collecting dust, going to church/not going to church, being a soccer mom/well…I am such the soccer mom so that is not a good example.

I think this comes from being a passionate person.  I fall in love with something and just devour it.  But I would like to find a balance.  I tend to go full speed then burn out.  I heard Jennifer Gardner say once that she is a dumb and happy person.  I envy that.  The more informed I get, the more overwhelmed I feel.  I wish I didn’t know what they feed farm raised animals.  I wish I didn’t realize what all those wasted Starbucks cups were doing to the planet.  I wish that I didn’t know that millions of people go hungry each night.  I wish I didn’t think about the children in the war stricken parts of the world.  I wish I didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of guilt if/when I just go on with my day or when I complain about something so silly.  I wish I was dumb and happy. 

Maybe that should be my new obsession?  Being dumb to find social happiness.  Hmmmm….that might be fun.  How to start?  Maybe reading “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.”  That’s reading though…does that make me smart?  Then banning any 20/20 or Dateline News show.  Nothing but knowledge on those programs.  Oh…and the Discovery Channel…if I am on a mission not to discover anything new then I should not watch the Discovery Channel…duh.  Most importantly, I think I should stop listening to church people (and I use that term loosely..there is a difference between spiritual people and church people…that’s another blog topic) talk about the end of the world and humanity and only “you” can make a difference.  I do believe that Smokey the Bear has already coined that phrase…”Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires!”  Wow…being dumb to be happy sounds like just as much work.  And as you can tell…I wouldn’t be good at balancing that mission either.  All or nothing…I think I am just going to be glad for what I have/know today and not worry about tomorrow.

Carla

I am taking an essay writing class this quarter and wrote this essay for my latest assignment.  Thought I would share it with you…What do you think?

I once read an enlightening piece of writing about cell phones.  The piece brought to my attention all the ways in which we falsely depend on our cell phone for a variety of things.  We have our phone with us at all times incase of an emergency.  If there indeed were an emergency, we would need to call for help.  To receive support in light of good or bad news, we reach for our cell phones to call our friends.  We access a plethora of information on the internet through our cell phones when stumped with a intriguing question or definition.  Now with Twitter and Facebook, we feel the compulsion to give a play by play of our day to people who may or may not care.  Have you ever left your phone at home or in the car?  How did you feel all day without your cell phone?  Lost, anxious or even preoccupied with what you were missing?  A small metal object, no bigger than a deck of cards or pack of gum has such a hold on some of us.  Doesn’t it feel good, secure when we reach in our pocket and feel the coldness of the iPhone with all the promises of being able to meet any need?  Isn’t that the marketing used now for the iPhone?  “There is an app for that!”  You can get an application for just about anything on your cell phone in less than a blink of an eye.  I just discovered that you can even get a flashlight app.  That’s right.  When your world is dark, you can turn on your cell phone, press the app for the flashlight and see in the dark.

The reason why I was drawn to this piece of writing was because it was a comparison of our dependence on our cell phones and our lack of dependence on the Bible.  There were very real questions asked about this dependence.  What would our world look like if this dependence shifted to the Bible?  What if when we were in an emergency we called God?  What if we looked to God for support in light of good or bad news in the form of prayer?  What if we looked in our Bibles for the information we were seeking in our lives?  What if we checked in with God all day?  What if we gave Him a play by play of what we were doing, thinking or feeling?  What if, instead of “goggling it” we opened our Bibles and searched for the answer there?  What if every time you reached into your pocket you felt the warmth of a small leather bound book with words of encouragement, promises of faithfulness, records of struggle and overwhelming accomplishment?   What if you opened your Bible when you felt left in the dark?  What if you depended on God’s words to safely guide you out of the darkness?

This book is something so simple, so small but so powerful.  Wars have been waged and won over the contents of such a small book.  To some it seems like a book full of judgment, fantasy, or too many rules.  But to others, to myself, it is a book of peace, love and hope.  Regardless of what type of books you like to read, the Bible has it all.  It is a romance novel, minus the picture of Jesus on the cover with his cloak half opened to expose his chest and his hair blowing in the wind.  It is a drama with all the suspense of betrayal and uncertainty.  It is a mystery, complete with motives and murder.  It is a history lesson, with accounts of many influential men and women, events and places.  It is a self-help book, complete with “Rules to Happiness” and “Top Ten Things to Do For Eternal Salvation”.

It is the best story ever written, full of character building, conflict, villains, heroes, and happy endings.  What other book tells stories of regular people, just like us, that do miraculous things for others in the world?  However, the Bible has been manipulated to tell very dark stories as well.   Stories of a scary, unforgiving God who endorses violence and hatred of those who do not accept what has been written in His little book called the Bible.  As well as, the Bible has been poorly represented within our peace-seeking world.  Even those who crave peace and unconditional love view others who fully rely on the word of God as weak, weird, or out of touch with reality. What has given them that impression?  Why do they judge when they do not wish to be judged?

I truly believe that the world would be a better representation of heaven if we all depended on the Bible the way that God intends for us to.  A book that encourages things like “agape”, the most extreme display of unconditional love, should not be used in support of wars, violence, vengeance, judgment, or indifference.  In the Bible, God commands us to love our enemy.  Not judge them, kill them, or belittle them but to love them.  What would the world look like if we did what the Bible commanded us to do?  The Bible states that we should strive to bring heaven to earth.  What would that look like for you?  For me, it means that I look for the light in the world and look for opportunities to bring that light into the darkness of the world.  To me it means to pray for my enemy, instead of envisioning what it would feel like to run them over with my car.  My small, torn, ratty Bible gives me more power, security, support, encouragement, history, and guidance then any app on my iPhone can give me.  And I don’t ever have to charge it!

Carla

Things just happen near me.  Good things, bad things, happy things, scary things, etc.  When I was going through my divorce from my first husband, things would just happen near me.  I wasn’t looking for these things but I would just find out about things.  My best friend finds this intriguing but I find it annoying.  Most of these things were better left in the dark in my opinion.  I have come to terms that this was God’s plan to keep me on the right path.  When I started straying off the path, God would present me with different bits of information or circumstances.

This happens with events too.  My biggest and scariest event…Lang falling off a 20 foot cliff.  I watched in slow motion…I replay the events that happened before he actually fell…I had a sense that something bad was going to happen but really had no idea what it was.  That slow motion warning thing happened to me again this past weekend.

I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Phoenix with a large group of women.  We were all very excited and buzzing about on our way to the arena via the light rail.  The three gals that I was traveling with and I had already bought our tickets and were waiting for the light rail to arrive.  While chatting about the unknown days events and discoveries, I watched as two women in our group came bounding down the light rail platform.  My eyes were fixed on the woman closest to the edge of the platform.  Her eyes seemed to be fixed on something beyond me.  She was bouncing and pointing…saying something and then as if she did not know that the platform had an edge, she took a step into the air…off the platform. Her body tumbled and met the concrete harshly.  Her head barely missed the sharp edge of the platform and she landed with a great deal of force on her side.  While she was laying on the tracks, struggling to catch her breath, I stood paralyzed with fear.

Looking back, as I watched her bouncing down the platform, I remember having an unsettled feeling about the scene.  It seemed to be in slow motion.  I wasn’t really understanding what she was saying or doing and then…suddenly…I was watching her body crash into the light rail tracks.  Thank goodness that we were traveling with a few nurses because they took full charge of the situation.  They cared for their friend and she was able to walk away with a diagnoses of having the wind knocked out of her.  I was so freaked out though that I was visibly flustered.  My friends noticed that I was flushed and wide eyed.  It took me a few minutes to regain my composure.  I am so glad that she was okay.

Another thing happened near me as well, a few weeks ago when Lang and I were invited to share our story of the accident with our Adult Bible Fellowship group at church.  I was so nervous.  I started with reading the letter that I had written to Lang describing the day of the accident to try and give the group a realistic picture of how serious things were.  Fighting through shaking hands and a giant lump in my throat, I kept my head down and just read the letter.  About half way through…about the point where I was giving Lang CPR…I heard a thud in the class room.  I looked up and saw one of the men in our group lying on the floor.  He was unconscious…he had passed out…his wife started crying and I just stood there in disbelief of what was going on.  Many people came to his aid and he regained consciousness very quickly.  Someone called 911 and nurses were retrieved from the other room.  He said that he got light headed from the details of the accident and I felt HORRIBLE!  I was so rattled and shaken that I was unable to finish reading the letter and quickly turned the presentation over to Lang.  He did amazing and was so in control of his side of the story.

That event made me re-evaluate how I wanted to share our story.  If I wanted to share our story.  A giant slice of humble pie was delivered to me that afternoon.  I still do not have an answer…I have asked God to guide us as this is really His story.

Lang has some very strong opinions on how God uses bad things for good…that is what his book is about.  Many of the speakers at the Women of Faith Conference spoke about this specific theory as well.  I even bought a book about how to see God’s light everywhere in the world.

My opinion on Lang’s theory is that God does not make bad things happen.  Satan makes bad things happen.  Yes, God may know of these bads things as he knows everything but I think that for Lang and I specifically, He knew he could use the accident for good in the world.  He knew that Lang and I were strong enough to get through it.  He trusted that we would take the blessings He gave us and live the life He has intended for us.  I don’t know exactly what His purpose is for us.  But I don’t think it is limited to a single event.  It is a string of events through out our lives.  To continually show love, grace, strength, humility, loyalty, etc.  And maybe…if we are lucky…a purposeful event that will enlighten us to the meaning of our choices…our circumstances…but if we are truly lucky…our life will be filled with many purposeful moments that add up.  For most, we will not be able to see many of these purposeful moments…but God sees them…and fills us with grace and peace.

To be continued…

Carla

Carla